Spinning Slim Shady
Eminem’s protege did this rewrite of his popular rap song for our town:
Yo, here comes Bruce Larson, slick like a shark,
Spending cash for votes, makin’ his mark.
Fliers in every mailbox with that shiny grin,
Promisin’ the world while he spins his spin.
Those fliers so flashy, they blind us in the sun,
But behind all that glitz? Man, he’s just no fun.
Claimin' corruption in a town that's pristine,
Cash flows from Tallahassee to him—what's really unseen?
**(Chorus)**
Oh Bruce Larson, what you got to show? Talkin' big game but we all know—
Our taxes ain't up; they’re third-lowest low! You spin your tales while the truth stays slow.
He says “Vote for me!” like it’s some kind of cure,
But those numbers he’s tossin’? They ain’t even pure.
Sixty percent rise? Nah man, not true!'
Just another tall tale from his shady crew.
Future development! He said it out loud!
Don’t bring that mess to our small town crowd.
We love our beach town; we like how it flows,
No high-rises or chaos; just peace where it grows.
**(Chorus)**
Oh Bruce Larson, what you got to show? Talkin' big game but we all know—
Our taxes ain't up; they’re third-lowest low! You spin your tales while the truth stays slow.
Slick fliers fly high, but the truth’s gonna land,
We see through your schemes, you ain’t got the plan.
With friends in high places pullin’ strings from afar—
What happens to our town when you take it too far?
So listen up voters as I break it down right:
A vote for this guy is a step into fright
Bruce Larson’s playin’, but we hold the cards—
Don’t fall for his lines or end up with scars.
Keep it real tight; don’t be fooled by his charm,—
He’s only out here lookin’ to cause us alarm.
So let’s shine a light on these shady designs,—
Together we’ll stand strong and draw clear lines!
**(Chorus and Outro)**
Oh Bruce Larson, what you got to show? Talkin' big game but we all know—
Our taxes ain't up; they’re third-lowest low! You spin your tales while the truth stays slow.
Yeah Bruce Larson... This beach town ain’t buying it—
We are ready to cast our votes for Cronin and Quarrie, no denying it.
…no denying it.
No, no.