A Comical Yet Factual Essay about our Fire Department

Ah, nothing like a good old-fashioned fire department debate to spice up the monotony of suburban life! If you’ve been living under a rock (or maybe just in your cozy little home), you might not know that our local fire department is at the center of some rather heated discussions. So, let’s dive into these burning questions—pun absolutely intended—that seem to be keeping our residents up at night.

First off, how many fires have we had each year for the last six years? Honestly, I’m not sure if this is a question for your friendly neighborhood resident or if you’re interviewing for a job at NASA with all that data collection. But hey, it’s probably best to ask Chief Brown directly; he has all those stats locked away somewhere in his treasure chest of firefighting knowledge.

And what about the “life-threatening” fires? Are we talking about dramatic heroics and people dangling from rooftops here? Or are we more in the realm of “oops, I burned my toast”? Shouldn’t we be asking, how many lives have been saved from that burned toast that didn’t progress into a whole house fire?  It’s impossible to know. Besides, we want to make sure Fluffy doesn’t roast along with that charred piece of bread either.

Then there’s property destruction. Because who doesn’t love losing their house over an unfortunate incident involving flaming marshmallows and backyard grilling? But again, likely something Chief Brown has documented in one of his riveting presentations. Just make sure you get out your binoculars especially if you are sitting in the back northeast corner of the Town meetings when he gives his PowerPoint slides for visual aid!

Now let’s tackle response times. Residents want to know how quickly MBVFD can swoop in like superheroes when disaster strikes. Without the “Automatic Aid Agreement” with Indialantic, are you really okay with waiting up to 30 minutes or more after our volunteer firefighters arrive at the station to get in their fire gear and head out to your flaming home, then being to required to assess the situation before they can even call Indialantic or the County for assistance? THAT is our current situation. 

Now that we are on our own and considering the options, did anyone notice that Indialantic wants $800,000.00 from our Town just to add one measly firefighter?! Meanwhile, Indialantic’s Fire Department operates on a 21% portion of their Town’s $9.4 million budget while we’ve been operating on a shoestring budget of less than 9% of a $4.5 million budget. You can probably do the math in your head to find out that their Fire Department has a lot more to work with. The Town of Melbourne Beach has more residents (3,231), more housing units (1,595), and more above-water land mass (0.99 sq. miles) than Indialantic does… way to make us feel special!

Oh wait—what about non-fire-related calls? You know those pesky little incidents where someone might need help, like during a hurricane or getting their cat out of a tree or maybe assistance with cooking oil gone rogue? It would be interesting (and slightly entertaining) to see how many calls aren’t actually related to flames but still require our brave firefighters’ attention.

In reality though—and here comes the snarky part—we don’t really have much choice when it comes down to having a fire department at all! Even if we lived in some magical land where fires were as rare as unicorns frolicking through rainbows—a fire department is kind of essential. Those questions may seem relevant when chatting with neighbors but honestly come across as nitpicking when stacked against community safety.

So next time you're pondering these fiery inquiries over your morning coffee—or perhaps during another chat with your neighbor—remember: We might not have ALL the answers readily available in a cute little chart right now, but safety shouldn't take second place behind trivia questions about past incidents. Firefighter heroes don’t wear capes; they drive big red trucks and show up when you least expect (or want) them!

To get the answers to these and other questions you may have regarding the fire department, please join us on Saturday, July 19th 1:00 - 4:00 pm for an Ice Cream Social and Q & A with Fire Chief Gavin Brown at Ryckman Park!!